085- Death of a Client's Pet
Summary:
Today we are going to discuss dealing with the death of a client’s pet. It’s not a fun topic but something that, if you are in this business long enough, you have to deal with. First we want to say that we are not experts in pet loss and bereavement. We are going to interview an expert in that in the coming months. Today we just wanted to share the experiences we’ve been through, what we’ve learned, and what has helped us. Over the 9 years we have been pet sitting, we have had several clients pets pass away, and it never really gets easier. Plus, on this week’s “Ask a Pet Biz Coach” segment with Natasha O’Banion, she answers the question, “How should I be using social media?”
Topics on this episode:
Pets we’ve grieved over
Honoring them
How to help the owner
Buy them a gift?
Consider other pets in their family
How to help yourself
Ask a Pet Business Coach with Natasha O’Banion
Main take away? Remember that the key to the grieving process is to listen, and allow yourself the time to heal.
Links:
Check out Start. Scale. Sail. and use PSC20 for 15% off.
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement
Four steps to take after the loss of a pet
Give us a call! (636) 364-8260
Check out our Covid-19 resources
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Email us at: feedback@petsitterconfessional.com
A VERY ROUGH TRANSCRIPT OF THE EPISODE
Provided by otter.ai
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
pet, owner, dog, grieve, people, client, passed, posting, grieving process, grief, talk, gunner, pet sitter, loved, life, process, validating, loss, business, deal
SPEAKERS
Meghan, Collin, Natasha
I'm Collin and I'm Meghan. And this is Pet Sitter Confessional, and open and honest discussion about life as a pet sitter.
Meghan
Hello, everyone. Welcome to Episode 85. If this is your first time here, we thank you so much for taking the time. And if you've listened to us before we thank you so much for taking your time.
Collin
Welcome back or Hello.
Meghan
We were exceptionally busy this past weekend. And it was kind of crazy. We were really busy for about two weeks and then last weekend, we had no one and then this weekend, we are really busy and next weekend we're going to be really busy so it's kind of hitting and waves a little bit
Collin
I think that's just as people are seeing openings or availability for travel, they're taking those opportunities. So there's this really short notice we've been noticing that the time window from when people book us or need our services to when they're traveling is becoming increasingly shorter.
Meghan
Well, and I think also people realize that school is going to start in August, in a few weeks, you know, whatever that looks like, whether that's in person or at home, and people are wanting to try to get out as much as possible before that happens or before another shutdown happens,
Collin
right? That's a really good point that everything was so up in the air, everybody's plans were on pause. But now that fall is looking a little more ironed out. Right, and people are starting to try and get those last minute trips in.
Meghan
So today's episode is about dealing with the death of a client's pet. It's not fun now, and we are going to interview a pet grief counselor in the coming months. So I didn't want to say that we are not experts in this field at all. I just wanted to kind of talk about, you know, our nine years and petsitting. And the things that we have experienced and the unfortunate deaths of some of our clients that
Collin
we've had to that we've had to work through.
Meghan
Yeah, so it's not a topic that people want to talk about or deal with. But it's something that if you're in the business long enough, you are going to have to deal with it.
Collin
As Megan mentioned, over the past nine years, we've had several clients that have passed away. Not every owner has told us when their pet has passed, particularly when we've only watched the pet once or twice, but we have had the opportunity to have a very close relationship with a few of the clients and their pets. And they made a point to tell us or bring the pet by one last time.
Meghan
And so we wanted to share a couple of those stories. So the first one is about chiefy.
Collin
I love chiefy.
Meghan
He was one of our very first clients. I think he was our second client ever down in Texas and
Collin
he's a bullmastiffs with a degenerating spine that was narrowing And he couldn't walk very well and was losing faculty over in control over his back legs, and was on something like 32 pills every single day. And but was just the biggest sweetheart.
Meghan
Yeah, he would want to nuzzle his head and your lap and you loved love.
Collin
Right? So we sat him many times. And it was a very every time we sat him, it was a lot of work because of the medications because of monitoring him as he was going to the bathroom and making sure he didn't trip or fall over as he was coming and going. So we had a very close relationship with both him and the clients.
Meghan
And so one day they called us and said, you know, it's, it's time for chiefy to go home. I think he was about five at that time, but his degenerative condition was just worsening. And so the owners felt like it was it was time to let him pass on.
Collin
There was a quality of life issue at that point. And they decided that is better for them and him to let him go. And that was, I mean, that was really hard. Yeah.
Meghan
So they called us and we're like, Do you want to come over one last time to see chiefy and to say goodbye. And we did.
Collin
I remember thinking that there was I didn't know what to do. When we were there. I didn't really know how to what to say how to act. It was the first experience. So we had done like that. We spent a lot of time talking with chiefy. We spent a lot of time reminiscing and sharing some of our favorite experiences with chiefy with the owners. And they were they were very okay with it. That made it they made it easy for us, because they were okay. They knew what was going to happen. They knew it was for the best, it still hurt, but they were able to openly talk about it. And that helped us share our stories and helped us in that grieving process too.
Meghan
And I do remember that his last meal was a big t bone steak. Which I'm sure he loved. Yeah,
Collin
so too much more recent experiences for us were the passing away of lucky and gunner now they actually came from the same owner, Lucky past first he was a small terrier mix. And he was around 16 when he passed away and the owner actually held him in her arms at home while he passed, she could just tell that it was time and they didn't rush because he had been slowly declining and health and was on some medications. And it was a really special needs pet at that time. And she just held him and he passed away quietly in her arms. And that was when that happened. It had been a few years since we had had to deal with the death of a client and that that impacted us because our kids loved lucky. They love taking care of lucky they loved it when he came over. And then about six months later, her second dog gunner passed away. He was 12 but had also been on the decline and had actually been diagnosed with doggy dementia. So he wandered a lot would get lost and disoriented. And unfortunately one day he actually walked off the bed and hurt himself and unfortunately had to be put down there. Because of that, and it was devastating for for us, and for our kids and for the owner, too. We had known him for so long we had cared for him, sat with him during tough times given medications. And he really was a part of our family. So she was really kind. She brought him by the house one last time, so we could say bye, give him love lots of kisses. Have the kids say bye to him too. And that was just a really special moment for us to be able to share those last few moments with the owner in saying goodbye to gunner
Meghan
when a client's pet passes away. It's really all about honoring the pets. And part of that is being there for the client, listening to them, sharing pictures, sharing stories, about how you interacted with a pet and what joy they brought to your life. There are really two sides to the grieving process. The first is helping the owners grieve and the second is allowing yourself As the pets that are time to grieve, because the pets become like our family, too,
Collin
right? And how that process goes depends on many, many things. There could be the nature of the passing. So a pet who passes away due to old age, that grieving process looks very different, as opposed to a pet that passes because they were hit by a car. One is seen for a long time coming, although it may hurt. still deeply. That grieving process has been ongoing in the background, versus an unexpected incident where all of those emotions rush out at the same time and you're left kind of grappling with them.
Meghan
The grieving process is also determined by the length of time the pet was in the family like you were just saying. So if the dog is 15 years old, and has been kind of going downhill for a little bit, the owner has been able to adapt and has probably a greater ability to cope.
Collin
So a lifelong family pet passes away because of old age is that grief is going to be felt much, much deeper and have a wider range of impacts not just on the owners personal life, but on members of their family too.
Meghan
And then there's the owners ability to cope with our story with chiefy. The owners saw this coming for several years, he had always had this disease. And so they were mentally preparing themselves for quite a while to handle this hard transition. They were
Collin
very emotionally mature through that entire process.
Meghan
The last thing that comes into play when dealing with the grieving process is your ability to cope as the pet sitter. If this is your first time dealing with the loss of a client, or even your 10th time it's still hard. When you have these relationships when you've if you're a dog walker, you see these dogs on a weekly basis, and we form that bond with them. We form that human animal bond that is really strong. Because they are just so loving. And when we see them go It is hard.
Collin
As Megan said, this is really a time to honor and celebrate all of the things that the pet that the dog, the cat, bird have given to not just our lives, but obviously to our clients lives as well. The things we do, how we communicate the gifts we may or may not give. All of that can help give a really strong foundation to grieve from so that we can have fond memories moving into the future so that just because their life ended today doesn't mean that their memory has to end tomorrow.
Meghan
Some ways that we can help the owner during this difficult time are to first and foremost Listen, we are not trying to solve any problem. We are not trying to distract them. We are just sitting there and listening, acknowledging what has happened, validating their emotions, and showing empathy on on our part, even if it wasn't your favorite Pet in the world. Even if you didn't really
Collin
click with them, maybe it was a difficult pet that you were taking care of. That just gave you a headache after headache every time they were in your care. At the end of the day, we still show empathy for our clients because they loved their furbaby. They loved having Phyto over even though it was kind of a pain in the neck whenever they were over here, put all that aside and just realize that that human level, someone else is hurting someone else's is really sad,
Meghan
right because they now have to deal with going home without their precious fluffy or Fido.
Collin
Part of that empathy is reassuring the owner that you are still there for them that even though fluffy Fido is gone, you still want to provide support in whatever way possible to help them again, here's we're talking to the human level here.
Meghan
Let them talk about the fun times that they had the happy times, but also let them talk about the sad times and the scary times. Some owners may not think That grieving for a pet is real, or they're trying to hide their pain. They're trying to mask their pain they're trying to put on a strong front in front of you. But let them know that it's okay. It's normal to have these feelings. And it's expected to have these feelings when you grieve for a pet,
Collin
you can tell them when you're talking with me, this is a safe space. So maybe you don't feel like you can can cry or grieve around other people in your life. But if you want to talk and reminisce about your pet that past, call me and all of a sudden on the phone with you and I'll listen and be there for you,
Meghan
but also recognize that everyone grieves differently. Maybe you are very emotional, and would like to cry, but the owner has already gone through that stage of the grieving process or not yet, and they're just not ready. Everyone grieves in different ways. So know that going and don't try to pressure the owner to feel a certain way. Just let the emotions happen organically,
Collin
right? And when we talk about just there for the pet owner, that can manifest in many different ways. It's even if you don't know what to say, you can still give as we were talking about your youth and still give the pet owner time and space to grieve in his or her own way. And as Megan said, it's going to be different from experience to experience is going to be different from time and time again, the way people process grief is varied. It's complicated, and it's messy when we come alongside somebody who is grieving, and going in that process is deep. In that process. We are listeners, and we are supporting them through that in whatever way they need.
Meghan
If you were particularly close with a client, you may also want to put a reminder in your calendar for a month from now or two months from now and check in on that owner and see how they're doing. Maybe send a picture of like, Oh, I found this in my phone the other day. It brought back all those wonderful memories that I had with Phyto I was wondering how you were doing
Collin
that can be really, really powerful. Because even though the event that time that moment of the passing slips into history, the pain and the memories are still very real, you can begin to feel like you're suffering alone, or the pain is just yours to bear. And as a pet sitter, pet care provider, when you reach out to an owner and say, Hey, I still missed them too, that can really help that healing process. And again, here we are caring for them at the human level.
Meghan
You may also want to do this on the anniversary of the pets death as well, that the one year mark at the two year mark, if you're still in contact with that client, if they maybe have gotten another pet just as a reminder of all the wonderful memories of I know, it's been a year since Fidos passing but I was just thinking about him the other day and wanted to see how you were doing
Collin
and let you know that I still miss him too. Again, here we are validating right really important here. We're validating those feelings were empathizing with them at the at that same level. Unfortunately, a lot of the conversations are Round the passing of a pet revolve around how it happened, and the why, which can leave some people to feel uncomfortable. But we as pet sitters have to remember that the scenarios under which a pet dies are infinite. They're very hidden, or at least really numerous. But whatever the role that owner did or didn't play, when we're working through this grieving process, it's really important to not judge them for what took place.
Meghan
Right. They may have had to put down the dog or the cat because they couldn't afford the vet bill to fix some sort of abnormality that happened,
Collin
or a serious injury that occurred it was the pet was hit by a car but they couldn't afford a $5,000 vet bill. So they had to choose to let the dog go.
Meghan
And so you may not have agreed with their decision, but it's not our place to judge their decisions as correct or incorrect. They just are what they are that tax and vet offices typically have to deal with this way more than we do. But it's still something to keep in mind of, not to judge the owner for their decisions. When we're working through the grieving process with the owners and ourselves. We are listening, we are validating, but you may feel that you want to do something. So should you get a gift of some sort?
Collin
This is always a big question. We I see this question come up a lot in all the petsitting groups and make an I've even had this conversation before. Do you get them a gift? What is appropriate? Yeah, what is an appropriate level of gift? And I really think that this and I, hopefully you agree to Megan, it depends on your relationship with the owner and how comfortable you are.
Meghan
Yeah, a lot of people print their favorite photos of the pet. And that's what we did with cheapy. I had made a collage online of all of our favorite pictures of him put it in a photo frame, and that's what we gave to them. And they actually put it on their mantel which was very sweet.
Collin
Here. We were just wanting to say like, Look, we feel this there was a connection. In here, too. And these are our favorites, though of the time that he spent with us, and we want you to have them to
Meghan
other Gift Ideas include coffee mugs with the dog's picture on them or throw pillows with the dog's name or face on it. For gunner, we wanted to do a more thoughtful gift. We went to the same gym as the owner. And we knew that she liked wearing tall socks. She
Collin
was always wearing them when she was off to the gym, these big tall knee high socks,
Meghan
she loved to work out of them. And so we knew she liked them and liked having funky patterns on them when she worked out. So we got Lucky's face printed on one pair of socks and gunners face printed on the other pair of socks.
Collin
And we took those over to their house. We just said hey, do you have a few moments we'd like to come over and see you guys and we brought them over and let them open up that gift. And then we just talked we talked about missing lucky and gunner. We talked about just how they were doing and kind of some of their plans for the future. All of this and we're trying to figure out what to do and how to do It, we're all trying to figure out how we can reassure them that we're still there for them, that even if the dog passed, we're trying to reassure them that even though it doesn't feel like it, everything is going to be okay.
Meghan
You could also donate money to an organization in their honor. If the dog was a lab and there's a lab rescue that's local, you could donate money there, or even a national organization. You could also do a personalized necklace or bracelet with the dog's name on it, a portrait of their dog or a Memorial Garden stone is very nice as well. And then you could also participate in a memorial service.
Collin
If they choose to have one and they want you there. Go by all means attend that service, whether that's at a pet cemetery or whether it's just to get together at their home. Go be and allow yourself to talk with them and talk to others and just spend that time reminiscing that is part of that healing process.
Meghan
Ultimately, though, don't discount what a simple card and a heartfelt message can do. That can speak a lot.
Collin
Yeah, there are so many things to do to possibly do ways to do them. A written message and a simple card is often times more than the other gifts or things could could be beyond buying things and stuff for memorializing the pet that passed away, I would make sure that the owner has information on pet grief. So this could be a book, blog or podcast, some resource that they can have on hand and be ready to recommend a bereavement counselor if needed. If you start seeing signs that they are beginning to suffer. If they are not coping, well be able to hook them up with a certified reliable counselor, whether in your area or over the phone or online so that they can get some help that they need.
Meghan
An important aspect when dealing with the loss of a client's pet is considering other pets in the family. If a client has more than one pet, the other pets may go through their own periods of grief especially if there were two dogs and they Always follow each other around everywhere.
Collin
So as you are pet sitting or dog walking the the pets that remain in the family, monitor them closely and make sure that you and the pet owners are maintaining conversation and staying in touch about a daily routine for them so that they can have that, that that foundation in their life and be looking for loss of appetite, loss of activity, loss of interest in play. All of those things can be a sign that the pet is actually grieving the loss of their best friend. And this just comes to mind because we are actually currently sitting two dogs from the same family one is a 14 year old lab and one is a one year old
mix mix.
Collin
their owners just aren't sure they found her as a stray. These two dogs are locked at the hip together. Safety the younger dog never leaves Maggie and is constantly going around and checking on her to see where she is how she's doing. If Maggie moves to a new room, say D The younger dog will go and follow her To make sure that she's okay, this kind of relationship is very common. And in everybody has probably seen this in their in their businesses. So when Maggie does pass away, Satie would need to be watched pretty carefully. She's going to go through a big grieving process as the family is dealing with that too. So it's gonna be really important that CD stays on walks, or daycares or something along those lines, to keep her on a schedule and keep her active and engaged.
Meghan
Now that we've talked about the owner, let's talk about us pet sitters, allowing ourselves time to grieve, just as we mentioned, for the owner, it takes time for us as well. Don't try to get too busy and brush it all aside,
Collin
which is what I think first comes to mind for a lot of us is I'll just get busy, I'll dig myself deeper into my work and I'll be able to distract myself from the loss of that pet.
Meghan
Give yourself permission to be sad for a while the pets become our family too. We become very close to them. We see them sometimes daily, weekly, monthly, the owners know us and we know them. But also we know the little intricacies about each pet their little quirks and so they become bonded to us and us to them.
Collin
So don't think that it's just going to go away in a weekend. Don't set that kind of timer, that time limitation on yourself to grieve. Don't even think about the time that it's going to take for the whole process to be over. That's when we say give yourself permission to be sad. It's, it's saying that this is okay. This is validating that these feelings are real. And this process is going to be here for a while.
Meghan
If you're a journaler. You could write down some of your favorite moments with the pet.
Collin
Yeah, just when you start feeling moments of sadness or grief, break out the journal and start writing about them. Write about those moments that you remember those little details that you have.
Meghan
If you'd like to talk things out, find someone to talk it out with ideally though, not the owner, but just
Collin
because we as pet sitters are coming from a different angle. And and we need to be processing this for ourselves. We can be there for the pet owner and part of this grieving process is communicating with them and staying in touch. But know that when you are if you are really struggling to reach out to someone else beside the owner, let them grieve on their own and reach out to a friend, a family member, a trusted confidant so that you can have that support network that you need, or
Meghan
other pet air business owners or us right now we're here for you if you need to talk. Mm hmm. As we mentioned, for the owner, if you see signs of yourself becoming depressed, not really wanting to eat or are unmotivated to really do things because of the loss of your clients pet, seek help.
Collin
Yeah, if you are struggling to enjoy things that you once did, or maybe that your work is being impacted because you're distracted about thoughts of the pet or just overall this general feeling of quote unquote, sadness or this dreariness around you Those are signs to seek help and go talk with somebody and begin processing that as you need.
Meghan
If you as the pet sitter have kids, obviously, it's up to you how you want to handle talking to them about it, we're not going to tell you what's the right way and the wrong way. Since we almost exclusively provide daycare and boarding our kids have become quite fond of a lot of the dogs that we care for that come over to our house. And for us, we are very honest and open with our kids. They are two and four. And we talked to them about the passing of lucky and gunner. Obviously they don't fully understand what that means. But our four year old does come to us sometimes and tells us that you know, Lucky died like lucky won't be here anymore, and she recognizes that they won't be coming over to the house
Collin
and it's not really an A sad or morose kind of thing. It's it's just she recognizes that process that used to take place him coming over doesn't happen anymore. And and as Megan said, like She doesn't really understand all of that. But she knows in a very real way that the way things used to be aren't going to be what they are moving forward.
Meghan
And that owner has since gotten a new schnoodle puppy, which is a mixture of Schnauzer and poodle. Oh my gosh, is the most adorable thing ever. And our kids are now really fond of him. Yeah.
Collin
Yeah, so that's a really good point. This owner lost two pets within the course of six months. And she went through a very big grieving process and gave she gave herself time before she got a new dog. And we still stayed in touch with her through that. And when she decided to get a new dog, we were right there with her and we still talk about how her new dog actually looks like the two dogs that she lost. And, again, not in a sad or morose way, but just in a fond remembrance of those two that played such an important pivotal role in her life and and in ours.
Meghan
When clients are grieving. They are vulnerable. You are vulnerable. So Be kind, be kind to them. Be kind to yourself. It's called the grief process for a reason. It's a process,
Collin
not a cookbook. It's not the same. It's not going to be these check marks that you work off of to get the same result at the end of it. It's a messy process to,
Meghan
but what's the key to grieving? Talk when you need to, and listen the rest of the time. We do a lot of listening when people are grieving. When you're grieving. Don't be afraid to open up about it.
Collin
That is hard to switch of, Okay, I'm going to help somebody grieve so I'm going to listen I'm going to listen I'm gonna listen and I'm not going to talk. But when it comes time for us to grieve. We have a hard time switching that back on to now I need to talk I need talk it's okay to talk now about this, how to talk about how I'm feeling how sad I am how this whole situation is not fun and I don't enjoy being in it. Having safe people around you that you can open up to you can be honest to whether that is a perfect Rational bereavement counselor, whether that is friends and family, to pet sitter, podcast hosts, you know, somebody that you can that can lend an ear and your time of need. So I know that this whole topic of grieving the loss of a pet, once a pet has passed away is really, it's not the fun side of petsitting that we like to talk about. It's not the glamorous side.
Meghan
It's really the hardest part.
Collin
But it really is the hard part. It is I think it is most one of the most pivotal acts a pet business owner will ever go through in their entire career is helping people grieve the loss of a pet and allowing yourself to do that it is very life changing. It is very real. It is very much a very real and integral part of being a pet sitter.
Meghan
So we're going to take a hard shift in gears here and talk to Natasha, our pet business coach or the weekly pet business coach segment.
Collin
Why should I be posting on social media and what kind of content should I be putting out as a pet care business,
you definitely should post on social media. Because
Natasha
Because that it's almost like staying with the trend. We have a lot of baby boomers who, you know are saying, Oh, I just do referrals and that's how I'm going to stay in business but you're missing so much reach to gain new clientele. So if you're posting online now you have a whole new audience that can potentially see you. And that's the main reason the posting online, you know, especially right now in a pandemic, you're not going outside and shaking hands and going to events, but you are making those relationships right there on your computer screen or on your cell phone. So that's definitely the reason why you should be posting online. What you should be posting is anything if to tell us more about yourself. People buy from who they know like and trust. Because you're just posting dog pictures. You are just like any other dog brand mess just posting a photo. I can't tell you apart at this moment. So show your family show your walkers show your pricing show your day to day if you're a person who is comfortable with doing video or recording Maximize your stories and like if pretend you're waking up and be like, this is what my phone looks like. Do a screen record of your phone and show your your time to pet or show your software and what it looks like in your bookings or how easy it is to book with you or what it looks like with your communication. What kind of leashes you're using. What potty bags you recommend, what's your equipment look like? show people what this looks like because then they're like, oh, wow, I really like this company. They're, they're on their stuff. They're on their game. And their walkers team very professional. Everyone seems like they really enjoy what they're doing. I like to talk about my backstory. A lot of people love to get the meat and potatoes like the bones of who you are. So your story is so powerful. Do not let your story go to waste. That is the perfect content to talk about on your channel. Why you got started. When you got started. What made you do this Who your inspirations are, people love to know more, because then I'm like, Wow, that's a company that I want to support. I am like that person, I understand that person, that person is more like me. That's someone who I want to use versus, you know, like this mass production as not really giving me any like, like infield details. So share your story. Sit down, write your story out, do it on Google Docs, or record yourself. And then you can start, you know, picking through to repurpose, you know, to make up different content of what you've been talking about. I also post like, you know, pet holidays and stuff like that. But if you look at your engagement, you do not get engagement from posting about the holidays and stuff like that. You get engagement from posting real human life content. So I would say that's what you should be putting out there.
Meghan
