635: Navigating Pet Loss with Compassion and Care with Koryn Greenspan
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What does it really mean to grieve a pet—and how can we do it well? In this deeply moving episode, we talk with Koryn Greenspan, founder of The Parted Paw, about the often overlooked reality of pet loss and the profound emotional toll it takes. Koryn breaks down the distinctions between grief, mourning, and bereavement, and shares how anticipatory grief can offer a healthier path through the end-of-life process. We explore how disenfranchised grief silences many pet parents and why pet professionals need to show up better for their grieving clients. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone who’s ever loved—and lost—a pet.
Main Topics
Anticipatory grief and emotional prep
Disenfranchised grief in pet loss
Using the quality-of-life scale
Supporting clients after a pet’s death
Self-care and compassion fatigue for professionals
Main Takeaway: “Everyone’s grief is unique. People don’t owe you an explanation for their grief… It’s your job to show up for it in the best way that you can.”
As pet professionals, we often witness clients go through the heartbreak of losing a beloved companion. We don’t need the right words—we just need to show up. Whether that means a quiet moment, a handwritten note, or simply being present, your empathy matters. Grief isn’t linear, and it’s not our job to fix it—just to honor it. Let’s be the kind of people who show up.
About our guest:
Koryn Greenspan is a professional Certified Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist offering Pet Loss Counselling Services, Professional Dog Trainer, Pet Care and Business Advisor.
As the founder of The Parted Paw, one of the first pet loss bereavement support services in the country, she is committed to raising awareness about pet loss, disenfranchised grief, the support needed for people whose pets have passed, and helping workplaces foster empathy and understanding for grieving employees who are anticipating or currently grieving the loss of a beloved pet.
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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by our guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Pet Sitter Confessional, its hosts, or sponsors. We interview individuals based on their experience and expertise within the pet care industry. Any statements made outside of this platform, or unrelated to the topic discussed, are solely the responsibility of the guest.
A VERY ROUGH TRANSCRIPT OF THE EPISODE
Provided by otter.ai
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
Pet loss, grief, emotional toll, pet sitters, anticipatory grief, quality of life scale, disenfranchised grief, mental health, pet bereavement, support systems, compassion fatigue, pet memorial, pet care, professional pet sitters, pet loss memorial
SPEAKERS
Collin, Koryn Greenspan
Collin 00:00
Welcome to pet sitter confessional, an open and honest discussion about life as a pet sitter. Today, we're brought to you by our friends at kind pet and the National Association of Professional pet sitters or naps. What does it mean to really grieve a pet and how can we do it? Well, today we're really excited to have Koryn Greenspan, founder of the parted paw, on to talk about the overlooked reality of pet loss and the profound emotional toll that it takes on us and our clients. Let's get started.
Koryn Greenspan 00:32
Thanks for having me on today and doing this. By the way, I really want to communicate how much I appreciate it.
Collin 00:38
Well, absolutely, absolutely, Koryn, I'm super excited to have you on and cover this topic. I know it's one that, man, it's interesting. You see a lot of people who come into the industry for the pets, right? And there are pets, pets, pets, pets, pets, pets, and all about the pets. And they're kind of crazy pet people. And then they suffer their first death of a client. It's pets or they, you know, have issues with dealing with things emotionally, because it's an emotional struggle now, and they feel like, where did this come from? Right? Like, what is this? What? What is what is happening now? And just being able to go, yeah, like, this is a massive piece that comes with everything else that we get to do, we talk about. We get to help people. We get to help them live their best life. We do get the puppy cuddles and Kitty kisses. We do get to go through these things, and also we have to work through these tough times. And if we're not, it's kind of like this, I don't know, like it's just, it's an aspect that not, not enough people talk about or even consider, for sure,
Koryn Greenspan 01:48
I think you're speaking towards it really, really bang on in the sense that as a society, we've created this space for so much professional, you know, wonderful outlets for our animals and our pets to evoke every part of our life. So we've created this wonderful space, and then our pets pass and it's empty. There's no support created for it, and it's this challenge that we really can't reconcile and society has yet to support. It doesn't make sense,
Collin 02:21
right? Right? It's this. We, we build everything up. You're actually right for while they're alive, right for this. Oh, we're, we're really pet friendly. I hear that a lot. We're really, yeah, friendly. We're a pet friendly city, or a pet friendly building, or a pet friendly whatever. And yet, as soon as there's no pet there, it's it kind of, you feel cut off and like, Well, okay, on to the next thing, right? And the next thing back to work. At least people in limbo waiting kind of what's going on.
Koryn Greenspan 02:51
It does. It really does leave them in limbo. And I think there's a responsibility that's really lacking and creating that type of space to be on this and I think that that's something that's incredibly valuable. And, you know, we talk about mental health and we talk about self care, and we talk about prioritizing our well being. I mean, what is a greater loss for most people than their pets passing away? Why? Why aren't Why isn't pet loss being taking into consideration in a mental health care, capacity and wellness?
Collin 03:34
You said that that phrase, there's a responsibility that's lacking. Who is? Where does that responsibility
Koryn Greenspan 03:42
fall? That's a very big question. I just got chills and very eloquently asked. I think it, I think it falls in many different places. So I think this falls in a professional capacity. I don't think there's a responsibility from our professional places of employment to support people during pet loss. I think there's a challenge sometimes that kind of, kind of come from our veterinarian clinics and practices. So there's a real challenge with the with pet loss and pet, you know, end of lifetime. So there's some gaps there that need to be supported and filled. And I also think that there's just this very large communication of society at large. This is the third tier where it's, well, a pet isn't a human, so it's not as important, and that is profoundly painful for people to hear and have to endure.
Collin 04:45
I think you mentioned finding those spaces for people to fill these roles. I think a lot of people look to first their their vets, the veterinarians to go, Okay, you need to help me through this grieving process. And that's that's not their role. I think. Can be there to support. They can be there to help, but there to diagnose, to heal, to work on on the body, and let you know whenever things aren't working right, like that's what they're there for, and they do an amazing job at it. And there are some veterinaries in clinics, and people and individuals that that dive into the bereavement, the loss, the mental health aspect of this, but that's not their primary focus. And so there's this kind of undue expectation and burden, I think that a lot of people place on them to say, Okay, now you also help me walk through this grief. And kind of what you're talking about here is going, where's the other spaces that we can open up in our society, where we can go that are actually for that specific thing?
Koryn Greenspan 05:46
Yeah, I think that's really a great point you just made with regard to vets. It's not, it is not their job to take care of afterlife and emotional well being. It is during that time, and there is an evolution in that space where vet where vet clinics are now starting to work, let's say with companies like the parted paw, or they're starting to offer resources. I think there's a huge space during anticipatory grief, before we even get to end of life, where society as a whole, to fill in those gaps. Can start actually thinking about pet loss, about time at work, about going through the quality of life scale with the vet. So we can take all this pressure off the vet, and we can, we can actually have a really connected ending and in beautiful goodbye, whereas a lot of time pet loss right now is very reactive, right?
Collin 06:45
Well, it's that, it's that I don't know what to say, like pre work or pre exposure. I think it's just developing an understanding of what is out there and what that's going to look like, because you're right. A lot of times it's just in the moment, day to day, especially for even, even more so for a lot of our elderly pets, where you are so in the moment, dealing with hour to hour, sometimes of their specific needs that we're not even thinking about tomorrow, we're and it can still shock us into Wow, what now right when They pass and and when they're younger, we are still in the moment, because it's they're full of life and vigor, and we're doing all the fun stuff, and they're getting into messes, and they're doing all this, and we never, or we don't allow ourselves to have that time, to think ahead or to look ahead, to go what, what do I need? What am I me need? And that's where this we because we're caregivers in that aspect, we're focused on the pet in front of us instead of what we're going to need when they're gone.
Koryn Greenspan 07:47
Yeah, I think that's really well said in anticipatory grief. So what you're explaining is anticipatory grief before a pet, and we're watching them or in the faces, and you're so correct, we become completely inert around it. We have no movement in anticipatory grief, whereas if we start understanding and breaking down all of the things that pet loss can be, we can actually create movement which can bring the person who is the mourner, the soon to be mourner. Movement and action can be very grounding. It can actually bring a lot of peace to an already, because it's going to be awful. But if you can find a way to connect it, connect to it, and have autonomy and planning, and let's say, think about in home euthanasia, being euthanized in your home, right home. Pet nurse, there's a great company called Home Pet come to your home how. What do you what do you want to do with the remains in anticipatory grief? If we can start doing these things, we can actually change the moment and the entire way our pet passing happens in society
Collin 09:02
and and is that because, like, walk me, walk me through. Why that anticipatory grief is so important versus the reactionary aspect of what most of us end up doing and going through?
Koryn Greenspan 09:13
Anticipatory grief is an opportunity. That's why it's so important. And if we're not moving and creating action as much as we can, even if it's a little action that has a big outcome, the passing the reactivity of that moment creates such a layered level of grieving after and the reason why is because we are stuck then in our What if I should have, I could have regret, guilt, there's no space that is you're dealing with such a profound family. Foundation of inability to emotionally function after that, and that's why it matters. If you can change it, your outcome after will be different. Is different? Can be different.
Collin 10:16
Well, at least our perception of that, right? I think that's what you're really talking about here, like how we are grieving through that process of, if I've never thought through cremate or Barry or or, like, now I'm in the moment, I'm I'm devastated, and I'm having to flip through a little pamphlet, like, Are you kidding me? Like, what? Like, no, yeah. And it kind of like, now I'm not able to grieve because I'm in decision making process and that delayed.
Koryn Greenspan 10:46
No, I'm sorry. I apologize because you You're exactly communicating it, or, you know, anticipatory grief. There's this time during that space where people are looking at their pet and they're they're saying to themselves, is, do I let you going like this is very layered, and death is for pet loss is extremely complicated. I don't know why this is not further discussed. We are actually deciding if our very best friend, closest ally and greatest companion, is going to live or die that unless an assisted suicide, God forbid, in a human, God forbid all death. God forbid. By the way, there's no other instance where we are actively doing this. So if you're looking at your senior pet and you're nursing them till the time they die, this is the time for something such as the quality of life scale to be in Doctor. This is an action. This is an action that we can take. You have a higher in short, you have a higher than a 35 your dog is still in good quality of life. You have a lower than a 35 you have to act actively, start making decisions job positive. That is when you think about that space. If it if the word positive can be attached to that, but you get to have movement.
Collin 12:07
Now talk to us about that quality of life scale and kind of what aspects that takes into account and and really like what we need to start looking for and being aware of with the pets that we're that are around us.
Koryn Greenspan 12:21
Yeah, so it's, you know, more good days than bad days. Mobility, food intake, water intake, bathroom habits, social habits, sleeping the same way. These are all the different qualities that really attribute to a dog's physical well being. And when we are looking at, you know, this idea of having to end our pet's life, this idea of having to make this horrible decision, for lack of a better word, we get stuck there, right? And if we actually, and I use this a lot with my clients, like if we, I have a lot of clients in inquiry, in anticipatory grief at this time, you'd be surprised at how powerful bringing an objective tool in can be emotionally. Yeah, right? Because now,
Collin 13:23
yeah, because now, now it's, it's not, it's not, like a, oh, well, I didn't decide this. It's so somebody else said, but it is. It's what it is. It's, we're being given permission, because in our hearts, a lot of times we know, like our dog, he, he passed away beginning of last year, and sorry, you know, yeah, thank you. It was one of, it is still one of the most just like, like, I think, I thought I had everything okay, until I realized I had to go get my kids to go tell them about Kobe's passing. And then I was like, Oh, this, this conversation Collin was not prepared for, right? Okay, now I'm losing more here. Yeah, right. Yes. And, and through, throughout that process, it was a a i He's not the same, I know he's not the same dog that he was a year ago, six months ago, but my goodness, because all of a sudden, it's the it's the memories that we keep them around and that we're holding on to, and there's this, this hope that maybe they're going to turn it around and get better, or they're, well, here's today's a good day. I don't want to do it on a on a good day like we'll just wait one more, and all of a sudden you get to this delay and having that objective, like you said, that third party metric or person to come alongside you and say, here's what we're seeing and decisions still have to be made, like you said, like that, we're not just revoking our autonomy in this, but we are giving support to us and more evidence and and that permission structure that allows us to to move forward in this.
Koryn Greenspan 14:58
I think what it is. Speak of autonomy. I think we're creating space for autonomy, actually, through that objective tool, because we're saying, Oh, I understand. I can do this now. Because I because, really, when we're deciding end of life, you know, we are the ambassadors of our pets, life and death, and this is not often talked about. I mean, that is the end. That's the last job we if we get to, by the way, so much there is a huge percentage, smaller percent, that is traumatic, we don't get that chance. So if we're in this space with them, this is the final task of love, and it's that's the job.
Collin 15:44
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Collin 16:04
If you're looking for new pet sitting software, give time to pet a try. Listeners of our show will save 50% off your first three months by visiting time to pet.com/confessional Koryn, how did you? How did you? How did you find yourself in this in pet bereavement and this line of work.
Koryn Greenspan 16:23
Well, I guess I've been working with pets professionally for 18 to 20 years now. This is my second business, and I opened my first business for Georgia, my rescue dog, and then we built that company together, she and I, and during that time, I know it's a crazy thing to say, but I swear to God, Georgia was my boss, and I've never Georgia was my boss, okay? God love her, and I adore her soul and her spirit, okay? But during that time, I had a really unique opportunity to really spend the entire life trajectory with my clients, from puppy till passing, and then new puppy again. And I started to really connect to my client's connection. And then I saw their pain upon passing. So that was one part. And then my family went through a trauma in 2021 my sister passed away of brain cancer, and this is horrible, right? But what I know, and also what not fun, and also what I noticed during that time, Society offers support rightfully show like like in every corner. Here's time off work. Here's four counselors. Here's a group you can talk to all of the like, it's so beautiful. And then my Georgia died a year later, and her death, God forbid, was horrible, and it did not honor her, and I didn't have support, and there was this big gaping hole, which we're discussing around my having to deal with her passing emotionally. And I just thought to myself, we have to be doing this differently. And I went back to school and I got my certification, and then I created the part of PA, and here we are.
Collin 18:18
Wow. So I mean having you directly experience this, right? That gives you some insight into, again, what your clients are, are going through, or what can go through. What's that process been like for you to get you know resources and learn and start talking to people about that. How do, I guess, really great. How do those first initial conversations go with people who come to you like, are they, are they coming open skeptical, or are they just unsure about what's going to happen at all?
Koryn Greenspan 18:48
I think this is where media has been really helpful, and I'm so grateful for it. Tiktok has been a really great resource for the part of paw. I get a lot of clients from there, and because of the communication on that page, a lot of clients know what they're getting and what they're stepping into, what I get a lot from that first call, and I've learned to call it a grief and release session, because what people really need during that first call is a space like really, though, because they don't feel like they have it, they don't want to show it to their family. They don't, they're not get their friends or their family are still disenfranchising their grief many times. This is a term I will discuss, you know, and so that first session, it's a lot of, it's like, it's a lot of beautiful misplaced love that is grief. And when we get through that, we can start to, like, piece things together. You're
Collin 19:53
right, because they don't have that space and they don't have that support to go and talk about because, like you. Said, like, when you experience that, the loss of your sister, and you know, it's the horrible, horrible loss. Yeah, you're right, people, the red carpet is rolled out, right, right for, for, here's all the resources, everything, and a pet passes away. And people go, Cool, well, see it work tomorrow, or was still doing the party this evening for the friend group. Or, why are you, oh, you're sad. Why? Why are you so sad? Like, what's going it is this, this complete lack, you know, Megan and I, every fall host a pet loss memorial event. It started for our it started for our clients who were caring for of if they lost a pet during the year, we would host it for them, and then we kind of open it up to our community at large. And I remember the very first one that we had, a girl came forward, and you know, at the end, we were just kind of talking about how things were going, and just people were sharing some stories. And the only thing she said was, you know, I hope she just like she had to say this. She was like, I hope she knew I tried.
Koryn Greenspan 21:02
And it
Collin 21:03
was, it was where her Husky had a really horrible disease that she couldn't, you know, she was trying all these different things. And it just, it was this one more, one more, what if. What if, what if. And she had never been able to share that with somebody, and, yeah, she had never been able to share this doubt and share this, this grief that, I mean this, I mean genuine, like, like, really doubt that was in her life. You know, a year or two later, she was still carrying this around with her walking around, going, is this, did I do enough? Did I do enough? And we don't see that in people around us, because there's no where do you talk about this in polite society, you know, quote, unquote, you don't just kind of okay anyway, back
Koryn Greenspan 21:45
back to normal. Yeah, so it's, I find it baffling, like I find it actually extremely bizarre. It it's such a disconnect. It's so disheartening. I find, you know, and i i It's not correct. It's not acceptable. It especially because we're at a place in society where, when you think about it, this is a generational shift. We're actually have. People aren't having babies, as you know, we do bring our pets to the office New York judge, just, you know, deemed that, you know, pets are dogs are family now, so we're again. This goes. So we're creating these spaces. And this woman whom this happens hundreds of million times a day, people are walking around with their grief like a brick on their shoulder, and it's because of shame and guilt through disenfranchised grief of society. Yeah,
Collin 22:45
to talk about that, more about the role that that plays in the individual in the grief process,
Koryn Greenspan 22:51
it's it's astounding what actually disenfranchised grief is society's inability to acknowledge the emotional, mental and physical toll pet loss has on our physical selves, okay, and it refuses to support it in any way. So so we see this in the ways that I discussed at the beginning of our time here today. So what this actually does, though, is it throws guilt on top of greed grief. It envelops people in shame. It is diminishing to the relationship that the pet parent had with their pet, and it's silencing. And all of that is painful,
Collin 23:41
yeah, that aspect of even placing doubt on that relationship that they had, right? Did it even, did it even exist, right? Was it really that important? Was it all these questions come up, both intentionally and unintentionally, from society and people around us at times where you're right, they just, there is no understanding
Koryn Greenspan 24:01
of what that's like, but there's no understanding. And then you're looking at yourself and you're saying to yourself, Am I okay for feeling this sad that there's something very, very, very warped about that, and I think it's really important to highlight it and have awareness about it, because it's dangerous. It's actually quite dangerous for people's well being well,
Collin 24:30
when they start questioning the authenticity of the grief and that that sadness, they start questioning whether it was all that important anyway. And they start questioning, you're right, like it's this well, maybe I shouldn't feel this way, and then instead of actually going through the process of of of healing or of grief, it just gets buried and shoved in a corner. And we all know that works out so well, right? Years
Koryn Greenspan 24:52
later, yeah, exactly. But that's a great start to everything with regard to the healing process. So interestingly enough. So grief is the internal landscape of a loss. Mourning is the external expression of it. A lot of people don't know the difference between that okay and to be in bereavement is to be torn apart. So these are three terms that we say there's actually meaning and it's really important while we're grieving, so while we're working through our internal landscape and nervous system, which is enmeshed in loss, we are trying to find ways to extra to to mourn, which is the external expression and we can't mourn if our grief is silenced.
Collin 25:40
Well and you you also talk about how grief, that internal process is not a linear process, that it comes in in waves. How do how do you help? Or what are some recommendations that you have to navigate that process, as far as like, you know, knowing it's going to happen and being prepared for when that comes
Koryn Greenspan 25:58
well. So part of that navigation with clients is the understanding that when a wave of grief was actually referred to as a grief burst. So there's a term for this. When this happens, it's our love. Grief is misplaced love. So when we have a grief, first, our love is present, and what we do is lean into it, and we try to connect to it, and we embody it, and we want to evoke our senses around it in action in some way. You want to write it down. You want to talk out loud. You want to have the tear. You want to maybe you'll have a big laugh after. You know, there's, there's so many different ways that we can embody this, and a lot of the understanding is that your love is present in that moment,
Collin 26:54
making sure we have that framed correctly. And I think what that exactly, it's not. It's not this is not a bad thing that this has happened, that this is happening happening
Koryn Greenspan 27:03
right now. It's such a beautiful thing. Your pet is close. It means that there's there, there's a closeness somewhere that's happening, and it's existing for a reason, and to honor that is to connect. And that's what we're doing when we're mourning. We are connecting to our misplaced love through love, we're bridging that gap
Collin 27:28
now that does take having time and space to do that too, right? Like if, if I am, because I know a very common thing that people do is during the grief the mourning process, what do they do? They do get busy, right? They shovel everything that they can. Their calendar gets full. They say yes to everything, and they just move forward. And it's this a lot of times. It's this attempt to when I do get that grief burst, well, I'm just gonna I nope. Don't no time for that. Now I have to go on to the next thing, and I'm not going to
Koryn Greenspan 27:59
acknowledge that that actually is your nervous system protecting yourself. That is, that is a survival mechanism to protect yourself from confronting the level of sadness when it comes up, or when we're dealing with it. It's completely normal. The thing is, it's going to catch up to you. It's going it's it's going to catch up to you so we can identify the busyness. Or the busyness, by the way, can manifest itself in complete inertia, not doing anything, right? This is all manifestations of nervous system protection. You're going to have to do it at some point, right?
Collin 28:39
Yeah. I mean, it's, it's it's one of those things. It's comforting to know that that's a normal process of, okay, this is my body is trying to protect itself, okay, thank you, body for that. However, I do need to work through this process now.
Koryn Greenspan 28:52
So are we ready? Have we arrived or not? Right? So, and if not, maybe we need another grief and relief session. What else is kicking you in the back seat there, like, what else is going on? Because these are all manifest manifestations of really deep, enmeshed emotional system that that that requires healing.
Collin 29:13
How does somebody know if they're ready for that or not?
Koryn Greenspan 29:21
That's a really, that's a really good question. I don't think people really fully know. I always say the first step is being here. The first step is reaching out. You know, that's, I don't think we know a lot more than grief. I think we're just knowing how we're feeling. And so sometimes people will reach out and they'll inquire, and they're like their acute grief is really hard time to work with clients sometimes, because they haven't landed yet, right? So you don't, I don't. The first step is making the call and reaching out and. Connecting and taking it from there.
Collin 30:03
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Koryn Greenspan 30:48
Great care always has to be top of mind. That's number one. And so I think that this is why that discovery call happens, or this is why, you know, I can offer I do have the parted paw does have a workbook and guide. It's a 21 day companion in grief. It's a daily prompt, and it's an action around it. So sometimes, if it is too much in the moment, and you can tell, or the client can tell the to start with, the workbook is a really great place to neutralize if they are still in that really high place of acute grief.
Collin 31:27
I like that distinction, and I think that's important of that acute grief, that initial spike, because we we're not processing things correctly, right, or as we normally would, right, we there's a lot going on and trying to then pin things down or that that's really hard there, so giving some of that time to come down 21 days, or whatever that time is for you, for the individual and and I think basically, we tend to know when that next step is appropriate. I think if, as long as we are being aware of ourselves and and acknowledging things like that, that next step tends to come more naturally when we're given that space.
Koryn Greenspan 32:14
Yeah, I think, I think, you know, I've also really learned the power of meeting people where they're at, you know, like, we don't, I don't ever want this service is for you, right? It's for the client. And if, if you're not there yet, we're not going to do this because, you know, it's really hard work to actually confront your sadness. It's, it's like, it's really profound, deep work, and that is something that only a person can bring themselves to do.
Collin 32:50
There's no you can't be drug into that. You can't be forced into that, because forcing right nothing. There's no progress that's going to be made there.
Koryn Greenspan 32:59
There's no progress. It's not fair. It's, you know, this is we this head loss is traumatizing. People don't understand that this parcels into disenfranchised grief. This is trauma. And I couldn't, in good conscience, ever be like, well, we have to do this now. That's not how it works. It's not the buzz,
Collin 33:19
right? Well, maybe Koryn, I like it. If you could share some of some, some tools or notes you know, to that, that you've used, that you've seen work in supporting people through the processing of of this and in their in their healing journey.
Koryn Greenspan 33:35
Well, everyone is different. First of all, so every hearing everybody there's no two people agree the same way, and everybody's healing journey is different. That's the first thing. So what I find, which can be very helpful, is actually while in session, after a few grief and relief sessions, is to actually go back to the three days leading up to the passing the day of and then the day after. And the reason why we do this, we get extremely enmeshed in our What if I should have, I could have list, and in that space, we're dealing with a lot of guilt. However, if we go back to three days before, the day and the day after, and we do a play by play. I can actually pull objectively, objectivity in terms of the love, good intention, what actually happened, and that, in and of itself, you can almost immediately, it's a view. I have chills thinking about it, you can see the relief after. So that is incredibly helpful. That's one thing I'll offer one more around that is sometimes people don't want to actually leave their house because they don't want to come back to an empty home. So now in this space, what we're. Have to start doing is we have to change routine. So when we're in, when we're in these first few weeks, I often suggest to light a candle the minute you get home, and speak to your pet and find a way to connect to them in that space. And people find a lot. I know it sounds people find a lot of peace in that too. It makes them feel like they can go out and come home again.
Collin 35:30
Oh, because that, that entry in the doorway is such a big part of our lives with our pet year, decade or more of being met right there, right there. Always, they're always there, right oh, I always get greeted. And then that first day where you come back, it's like a sledgehammer to the chest.
Koryn Greenspan 35:50
You're you're Yeah, you're empty, yeah, you're totally correct. I didn't mean to cut you off. I'm so sorry. And that, that candle, it at least is an action of that can create connected memory. So you're not walking, you're doing something. There's an action there. The space is not empty. You've evoked their presence in some way.
Collin 36:19
I also like what you talked about of the go back and relive the few days before, the day of and the day after, and how you specifically said you can pull the love and the good intentions out of that. And that's I think that's really important, because that time can just become a real blur of of what happened, because all of a sudden we're only focused on what the end result was, my pet's dead, right? And we forget the hour that we spent before them in the vet's office, holding them, snuggling them, rubbing their paws, singing to them, whatever we did with that that kind of becomes lost when we just focus on that actual event and not saying again, like that, everybody has that ability. But things were done right? We carefully scooped their food and mixed it in the warm water just the way they always wanted, and we wrapped that, you know, they had the they were incontin so we had to change out their pad that day, and we did the little routine that we did with them all. Like those are so important to hold on to, like
Koryn Greenspan 37:23
that memory is so correct you are correct. And it it also like, can you know? Because a lot of times what happens is people will say, I should have taken him to the vet sooner. I should have done this, like you're saying, but when we go back to it, you can actually pull out the vet said that the level of pain was added to they could go home, right? So then, when you go through each of those, and then, and then I read it back to them, and I say, here's what your what if is, here's the here's what happened, here's your fact. It's grounding. It's very, very grounding for them.
Collin 38:11
Karina, how do you stay grounded emotionally during this process of it's emotionally charged. You know, what's that like for you? So
Koryn Greenspan 38:23
this is called compassion fatigue, what you're speaking about. So compassion fatigue is pretty much referred to as the cost of caring, and it's, you know, it's something very interesting. I think I've had so much grief, it's almost a little healing in some way to be able to help people in the way that I didn't get the support that I needed. So there's something very connecting and powerful about it. In that way, I'm very like I do have awareness of how many clients I'll take in a day. I do turn off my phone at a certain time. I do have office hours, you know, so I do that, and to be honest, there's a lot of tears involved, and I'm happy to shed them and share them. And you know, to companion brief is an honor, and that's how I negotiate
Collin 39:23
that those those boundaries, are really important. And I know, as pet sitters and dog walkers, you know, a lot of times we find ourselves walking alongside clients who have just lost a pet and just going through this process. And many times we can be left going, what do I do a for them? But also, I mean, I've walked into clients homes after they've lost a pet, and, man, that Sledgehammer just hits. There used to be two pets yesterday, right? And now there's that one as I walk in today. And yet, I've still got a business to run. Yet I've. Have to be posting on social media, and yet I still have to run my everything else. And it can be that, and all of a sudden I'm I'm trying to be supportive to somebody who's grieving, but I'm also grieving, and I have my busy life to run, and it all gets really messy.
Koryn Greenspan 40:15
Communication, communication, communication, communication, on top of what Say it with me, communication, right? And like, This is it? So it's really, you know, and if you're feeling like you can't call somebody in you, your self care is essential and paramount to be able to keep showing up for your clients, acknowledge their pain, as I'm sure I have your you can see you have a compassionate component to as I have no doubt that you do that for them. Communicate, communicate, communicate. That's how you know I do. Also do work with veterinarian and clinics you know, and their their teams around compassion fatigue and teaching how to navigate this as well. So it's the boundaries and the self care mixed with communication. Very valuable.
Collin 41:13
Yeah, it's communicating for when we need help, reaching out to others. It's also just communicating with the client, because in that instance, some of the most healing thing that I've been able to do, and also encourage our we have a team of employees that we've worked in our business of encouraging them to do of just acknowledge your what you're feeling right now, to the client while you're there. Hey, you know, and that's that is so honoring to that memory of the impact that that pet had on not just the owner, but the people around them, as well as now I am getting to express my grief, and I have a space to somebody who, who knows what I'm going through, because it was also their pet
Koryn Greenspan 41:53
that's so well said. And it's really important to do that. And there's again, so this is a place of connection, if this then becomes a place of connection. So we're really trying to do in all of this mourning and grief with pet loss, is to connect, right? And by doing that, as you just suggested, it's very, very, very peaceful and connecting and healing, which is what we're trying to do,
Collin 42:21
right? What's What's something that you wish every pet professional, you know dog walker, pet sitter, or you know veterinary groomer, whatever, knew more about grief and and that process.
Koryn Greenspan 42:35
Everyone's grief is unique. People don't owe you an explanation for their grief, not their job. It's your job to show up for it in the best way that you can. And I think sometimes that's a really valuable thing that people kind of forget, you know, and even if that means you can't be present face in a face way like face to face, because it's too much, then flowers do actively do something, because the people who don't support are not forgotten, and you don't want to be the person who doesn't support.
Collin 43:16
You know, many times the explanation can come from a good place of, I'm trying to help, right? I'm trying to help you get over, you know, get, quote, Go, get over this, or deal with this. So you just tell me, and I'll help solve it. And instead of, because I know that's my first instinct, a lot of times, I'll help, I'll solve. Just tell me the thing, and I'll get I'll do something, right? We'll get over. And instead of just going like, and sometimes they just need that presence, and there's no understanding. There's that needs to happen, just an acknowledgement and permission to go through that process with us.
Koryn Greenspan 43:51
You got it? I It's so like, death is really awkward. I talk about this a lot on my to that is really awkward endeavor to have to negotiate with and to have to witness, to witness someone's mourning, which is the external expression of their internal grief. That's very, very vulnerable for everybody who has to see it, and then for the person who has to live it. So we don't get to negotiate how we're going to show we're just going to show up. I You nailed it right? We're going to genuinely acknowledge it. We're going to communicate, we're going to connect, and we're going to do the best we can and meet the Griever where they're at. That's where you start.
Collin 44:42
There's a children's book that I used to read to our kids called the rabbit listened, and I remember the first time I read this, I ended up bawling. I ended up crying by the end of this book. It's a real short, simple the kid is building this tower of blocks, and the blocks get knocked over. And. And one by one, the animals come in, right the the the lion comes in, and we're gonna get angry, and, you know, the the elephant comes in and goes, No, we're gonna forget it, and the ostrich is gonna hide, and the snake is we're gonna knock them back and yet. And then at the very end, it comes in, and the rabbit listened, and it's just the rabbit sits down next to the boy, and then the boy ends up going through all of those other emotions with the rabbit listening. And then at the end of the book, he starts rebuilding the blocks again. And I was like, Where was this book when I was little?
Koryn Greenspan 45:36
So beautiful, and the rabbit listens, right? That's just such a beautiful way to explain and communicate that. I think that's really special and true, and also true because,
Collin 45:50
because, again, when we're observing that, I really like that. You know that you mentioned that that's an awkward thing to witness, the mourning process, and we often it's the what do I do with my hands syndrome of like, I, I don't know, because I'm not going through it. So I don't know what's in your head, and I don't know what's going to make it better. Do I need to make it better? And just just being there a lot of times where you said, you know, acknowledging it with flowers, or in some way, showing up for that person.
Koryn Greenspan 46:17
That's what it is, is showing up. Because ultimately, they can receive it at that they can receive you at that moment, or they can't. But you did what you had to do. You did it. It's not easy. Nobody said it's easy. It's really, really hard, actually. And nobody can ever take away how hard it is to bear witness to somebody's sadness right
Collin 46:44
now, that's the coming alongside somebody aspect, if somebody's listening to this, and they are just at the beginning of their their journey, of their healing process, of the grief and mourning work, what what guidance or what suggestions Would you give to that person
Koryn Greenspan 47:01
your first week after pet loss is a non week. The expectation that it should be anything else is really, really, really, really, really hard to negotiate, and all bets are off during that week, and that is entirely okay. And if it's longer than a week that is just fine too. That is, that is the first thing that I would say, because we're in shock at this point. There's a disconnect, there's an identity loss that happens during we're really everything. Our entire internal network of self is decimated. And to bear witness and sit with your emotions around that really valuable thing to do. It's really, really essential to your grieving process. That's probably the first thing I would say.
Collin 47:57
You mentioned the identity loss. That's certainly something that I haven't put, heard, put into that kind of context. But just as in there as the death of our pet, there's an a death of who we used to be. In that aspect,
Koryn Greenspan 48:08
it's so profound. It's so profound identity. Loss of pet loss, it's one of the same, you know, and I thought about this, and I've done communication around it, here's where it's different when we lose our pets to a person, that the people in our lives have their own lives outside of us, right? And that doesn't mean, by the way, this doesn't mean that the death of a person is not tragic. There's a difference, though, and the identity loss when you're dealing with a pet loss is that they, their entire life is dependent on you, and therefore your existence goes to them. And so this can involve your your physical Well, being, your your life outside of your home. This is social. This is how we start our days. This is how we go to sleep is in managing and creating and being part of our pets. And so when they pass away, where does that part go? It's a whole other morning that takes place. What happens? Where does these are the questions that we go. Who am I now? What do I do? How do I wake up? Waking up during pet loss, during that is impossible. People stay in bed for a really long amount of time because they their identity around waking up is lost.
Collin 49:36
You had those first early morning moments of I gotta wake up early because I gotta get my dog outside, or I've gotta get the food taken care of. I gotta get this done. I've gotta it's the little things too. Of Well, I when I'm at the kitchen sink, I have to remember, I have to watch where I put my feet, because they like to come and sit right around me while I'm doing dishes. And now all that stuff that's just like, that's just the normal. And now I'm not only am I not. I don't have to do that, but now I'm not the person who does that, because I don't need to do it anymore. And it's, it's, it's interesting how big of a part of that is of our life, and we don't even notice
Koryn Greenspan 50:12
it until it don't notice that, and we just notice that this huge
Collin 50:16
gaping hole just gets ripped out, and we're left going, well, that's shocking, right? Like it's, it's where's all of me that I thought what used to be there,
Koryn Greenspan 50:27
that's right? And then we're tossed into a society that says, well, see at work tomorrow, come out for dinner tonight. You'll be just fine. Yeah, right. And it's sorry. World doesn't work that way, right? Sorry not sorry. Hashtag. Sorry not sorry.
Collin 50:49
Koryn, I really want to thank you for coming on the show today and sharing this with us, this really important topic of not just what bereavement looks like and grief and mourning, but also how to be there for others, and to really shed light on this. So when we talk about being pet friendly, it's as used to put it, I loved it earlier, from beginning to end, right from from puppy to passing, it's it's all, it's all there in a much holistic, much more holistic approach to this. I know this is a really big topic, and we barely scratched the surface on this. So if people are interested in learning more, getting connected, following along with everything that you're doing, how best can they do that?
Koryn Greenspan 51:33
Thank you so much, first, and also, thank you for having me here. I've really enjoyed speaking with you. You're really great to chat with about this. So thank you. You can find the parted paw. That's the name of the company. The parted paw. We're on Tik Tok, a really nice community there. I'm it's also on LinkedIn. I do. I get published a lot. I do a lot of information and different podcasts around us. So you can find me Koryn Greenspan onto on LinkedIn. Or you can go to the website@www.thepartedpaw.com
Collin 52:05
Perfect. Well, I will have links in the show notes and on the website so people can get connected with you and follow along. Koryn, again, this has just been an immense pleasure. Thank you so much for your time today.
Koryn Greenspan 52:16
Thanks, Collin. I appreciate it too. Take care.
Collin 52:19
What's our role in pet loss and grief. It's to show up in the best way that we can. It will be imperfect, and we'll have to give ourselves a little bit of grace too along the way, but just being there is the biggest thing that we can do. We often witness clients going through the heartbreak of losing a beloved companion. We don't need the right words, we just need to show up, whether that means in a quiet moment, handwritten note or just simply being present. Your empathy matters. Grief isn't linear, and it's not our job to fix it. We just honor it. Let's be the kind of people who show up. We want to thank today's sponsors, our friends at Tiny to pet and the National Association of Professional petzers, for making the show possible. And we really want to thank you so much for listening. We hope you have a wonderful rest of your week, and we'll be back again soon.
