462: Give Yourself Permission
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Have you ever been frustrated by one more thing being added to your plate? There come times when our personal life impacts our ability to run our business and show up at our best. Whether it’s a personal loss, a new venture opportunity, or even moving to a new home, the pressure to continue to perform increases beyond our capacity sometimes. It’s in these moments where we have to carve out space we need to take that pressure off so we can focus on the right priorities.
Main takeaway: It’s perfectly ok to say “No Thank you” when someone tries to add something to your plate!
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A VERY ROUGH TRANSCRIPT OF THE EPISODE
Provided by otter.ai
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
business, pet sitters, kobe, life, moment, talk, priorities, pet, decision, work, feel, digital marketing, externalizing, important, personal, ideas, week, day, dog, associates
SPEAKERS
Collin Funkhouser, Meghan
Meghan 00:00
Oh Hi there. Welcome to Episode 462. This is Pet Sitter confessional, a podcast by pet sitters for pet sitters. I'm Megan Cullen. Thank you for joining us today. Thank you also to pet sitters associates and our Patreon members. We have two new Patreon this week. And thanks thank you to Keith and Wendy for helping to keep the show going and for giving a little bit of your hard earned a dog walking and pet sitting money, we are very thankful for you. Before we get started, I want to tell you about our friends at pet sitters associates. As pet care professionals, your clients trust you to care for their furry family members. And that's why pet sitters Associates is here to help. for over 20 years they've provided 1000s of members with quality pet care insurance. Because you work in the pet care industry, you can take your career to the next level have flexible coverage options, client connections and complete freedom in running your business. Learn why pet sitters Associates is the perfect fit for you and get a free quote at pets@llc.com. You can get a discount when joining by clicking memberships Pet Sitter confessional and use the discount code confessional when you got to check out check out the benefits of membership and insurance once again at pets@llc.com. This week, we're going to talk about what happens when you are overwhelmed in your personal life and it leaks over into your business. So about two and a half weeks ago, our one and only dog who we had for about 12 years he died suddenly his name was Kobe, he was a sweet little long haired dachshund. And he was just the absolute best dog ever. Our kids adored him he got along with them. And it's just he made our family better.
Collin Funkhouser 01:33
He was our general manager in our business because basically we we found it and wanted to do everything we did in our business to meet the kind of care that we would expect for him or that we would want for him and our passion, really for caring for other paths where they came from from him and how he would we would want him to be cared for. And it was like Megan said very suddenly, everything else about his life was was healthy and happy and and going well. And then an undiagnosed tumor ruptured. And we had to deal with what do we do now. And we're very thankful that this is a very slow time for us this at this time of year, but we still had clients and messaging us they're calling us, we still had staff to work with and we were working on new trainings, and we had their quarterly is to do, we started paperwork to gather and start filing for taxes. Nothing about the business stopped for this. And so we really were in a point of going, we need to move forward from this in some way. And then I went and gave a talk to a local business community about our company and some of the challenges that we had faced over the last year. And I chaired you know, some exciting things we had done things were excited about and that we were really looking forward to coming up. And then afterwards a lot of well intentioned people came up and and started their statement or started our conversation was something along the lines of well, have you considered doing XYZ? Or have you thought of XYZ, which was to be expected because they have asked that we come and talk about our business and some of the challenges that we had faced over the previous years, and things that we were doing to overcome them. But still, they came with ideas and thoughts. And there were so many ideas, some we had actually considered and dismissed as because they weren't a good fit for us. Others we hadn't considered and kind of let the person know that we've added to our discussions about our business. But it really wasn't a situation of trying to sit here in this moment of I'm, I'm overwhelmed with the death of our dog recently. And now people are peppering me with thoughts, ideas, concepts, things to try things to do. And it was really hard for me to be receptive in that moment and be genuine in, okay, is this going to work? Or is this not going to work?
Meghan 03:41
Well, and of course, they don't know what's going on in our personal lives and you hadn't made that known of. I'm grieving right now. But I'm here to give this presentation anyway. So of course, they didn't know what was going on. But it was yes, very overwhelming. Because we are also part of a program with our local college through the Small Business Association. It's a way to get assistance in our businesses. There is a digital marketing class that reaches out to local small businesses and partners with them. One student per one business and the student as they are learning throughout the semester, with digital marketing, SEO, emails, all that sort of stuff. They sit down with a small business and have a weekly phone call and talk to a small business about how they can do better in the digital marketing world and what the student is learning. Last week, we sat down with them and they listed off a lot of possibilities for us to do or try a lot of directories to get connected with and how to properly set up emails and lead magnets. I felt very overloaded by the conversation we were having, because it was more things to do on our plate while we were still again trying to grieve the loss of our dog. And again, the student didn't know if we had tried these options or not. So they didn't know that it was overwhelming to us. But it really is easy for people to talk about new ideas and to be creative and to to look into somebody else's problem or business and say, Hey, hear, hear where the holes are, here's where you need to patch them that something's up. And that's great for us as business owners, because we oftentimes, we are so myopic that we cannot lift ourselves out of our businesses and see, you know, the sieve leaking, and where we need to patch things up. But there are times where our personal life leaks over into the business. And we are really having to work hard at compartmentalizing things. Because
Collin Funkhouser 05:26
again, we don't exist in a bubble, we have a context to our lives. And without fully understanding the things that they are saying it, even the smallest thing can become a burden to somebody or it can be kind of clog or Jam Jam up their day by one more thing that that person needs to do. And whilst being on the receiving end, trying to understand this person doesn't know everything right now, they don't need to know it's not important. So I need to take this with a grain of salt, I need to place it over here on the side for a moment so that I can process where I am currently, and then come back around to that advice or to that task list or to the next thing that I need to do when I'm better and more able to and I can do that in a proper fashion, it can be
Meghan 06:19
really hard to be open and receptive to people when you are overwhelmed.
Collin Funkhouser 06:23
Because we have this this blockage of I need to deal with the things that I'm going through first, it's easy to get burdened with all those possibilities out there. Of I have yet another thing to do, I'm not even done with this first thing. And now I've got all these other things, or in cases where people actually when I was talking with them at the at the after the presentation, they actually had genuinely good ideas, things that I was excited about. But I knew I wasn't ready. We weren't ready as a business to pursue them. And I felt a little guilty or I felt a little bad that we couldn't pursue them. Now, it was kind of a little a little restless, as well and frustrated with myself, oh gosh, if you weren't, if this weren't happening, think of all the possibilities out there. But instead having to take that step back and go, it's not for right now. And that's okay, I need to focus on myself, our family, I need to focus on this grief. First and foremost, before we go and try and tackle these other big projects.
Meghan 07:22
As a business, we have to have that discipline to stay on course and know what our mission actually is. Otherwise, we'll get tossed in the waves of good intentions and bad ideas. But you're right. Sometimes though, we have to put things aside, we can write them down on a sheet of paper, we can get to them later. But when there is a big event in our personal lives, you have to make sure that you are okay first so that you can serve your business. Well. If you can't do that, then you aren't going to be living out your mission and fulfilling your goals. Because you're going to be brushing things off and not actually dealing with them.
Collin Funkhouser 07:57
I was really excited about about three or four ideas that came away from talking with people and the lady that we talked to, in our business call. There were a few things that were like, Okay, those are actually good. But right now, right now we need to go take a walk with our kids in the park. Right now. We need to pick out photos of Kobe for a photo album later. Right now we need to allow our daughter to plan a celebration of life for his birthday later this month. Right now, that's important. And it's those priorities that help you work through those decisions as they come along. Because very early on after Kobe passed away, we had something came up. And Megan, I remember I turned to you. And I said just another thing. It's just one more thing that we had to decide that day, that week. And it was just a little bit too much. And I got frustrated with like, here we go again, here's something else, and really pulling back away and going what is important in this moment, what would genuinely is going to make a difference in our life. Right now. Is it the next business venture? Or is it the family thing? Or is it the personal thing of taking time to go lay out in the sun and in the grass? Because it's finally warm? Where we live now? And we want to take advantage of that? Well,
Meghan 09:12
yeah, it's that decision fatigue, that sometimes we get on our businesses of, okay, it's the beginning of the year taxes here we go. It's it's the scheduling and the questions and the calls and the comments and everything that we deal with as business owners that a lot of times can be overwhelming, and lead to decision fatigue, all these micro decisions that we make across the day. And when something in our personal life happens, it kind of tips us over the edge and it really becomes too much. And
Collin Funkhouser 09:39
that's where having that guiding principle, those mission, that vision those values that you have, both in your business and in your personal life become exceptionally important. Because when you wake up and you have a billion decisions to make that day, it's easier to make them and you have to give them less thought. If you have something to go I'd yourself by that is externalize from where you are in your current moment, because it gets it this is just, we all think I can make the best decision at any time in the moment. But will you can you, when you're in a different emotional state, or physical state or sleep deprived or rushed or hurried or you're injured, will you be able to make the same decision in the same unbiased way in that moment, then you would earlier externalizing the mission, vision values, the goals, whatever those are for you externalizing those, having them out, sets those guiding principles for you. So that now you can work on aligning everything back to them, and gives gives you you one less thing you have to worry about that day, because you know, they're over here, I have these set before me and I can follow them to the best of my ability, or I take a complete break, and I need to recover and recoup. And then I can start again.
Meghan 10:56
Think about the things that ground you the things that ground us like you were talking about taking a walk in the park with our kids, what is it that forces you to be present in the moment, thinking about those things, doing those things can help with the overwhelm as well, we may not have an answer for everything in our business right now. But we can work on family things and make progress there. And that probably means that taxes aren't going to be done by the end of February like they were last year, or that the client may not get an immediate response like they are used to because you previously have the time and space to do that. Right now, we need a little bit of breathing room in our business in our personal life. Because that is the season that we're in right now we need to grieve and process this big loss. And
Collin Funkhouser 11:42
it is hard to find that that breathing room, especially when we're not used to it because it can feel really uncomfortable. When you are used to traveling at a million miles a minute, when you're used to being able to accomplish everything in the day, when you're used to being able to check off your task list or add more things or say yes to more things. Suddenly, when you aren't physically emotionally able to do that your calendar is filled with other things now, because yeah, it took time for us to sit and pick out Cobis ERP. And to sit and go through the photos that was time that we dedicated to that, when we could have been making more phone calls to another business or working on one more marketing thing or working on some more postcards or working on whatever it takes time away from them. But that was space that we had to carve out because it was important to us. And so often we go through running a business, and just in our general life without those moments of what is important to me. And it's in the moments where things get that little bit hard, or things get a little bit constrained, or we have some pressures placed on us where we are forced to make that decision. Because honestly, four weeks ago, we wouldn't have made that decision to sit down and go through photos of Kobe, we hadn't done that in 12 years of owning him, we've got over almost 2000 photos of Kobe, we've never gone through them together until very recently. Because it was important that we do that. And those moments come up. And you have to take advantage of them and be in the moment enough to know that what is important to you. Well,
Meghan 13:25
and also knowing that while we're going through that while we are planning these things, while we are remembering the memories that we have with him knowing that our kids are experiencing this as well and wanting them to have a healthy relationship with death, with life with the memories that they have. All they've known is Kobe for their six, eight years of life. And so to know that you and I need to deal with this in a healthy way, but also to foster this in them as well. Because we recognize that this moment would set them up for a healthy path it for the rest of their lives.
Collin Funkhouser 13:58
But how easy it would be for us to just bury ourselves back into more postcards or for me to futz around more on the website and just push this away. Again, it's about priorities. And so whatever that is for you listening of, of whatever moment you find yourself in of, of what stress pressures, we don't know, we don't understand everything going on, but just know that it is perfectly fine to say no thank you, whenever somebody says have you considered or when somebody else tries to place something on your plate of things to do you wear enough hats and sometimes that one of those hats is I need to grieve for a moment. And that needs to be more important than my marketing hat or than my my social media hat or sometimes I need to whatever those priorities are it's it's okay to take that into not take this pressure into I have to have my business running and and I can't let this down and I can't push these things off. Because and regardless of what happens on my personal Life, that's one of the beautiful things that we have of, of running our own businesses and, and being our own bosses and setting things up that we want to do is that we can do that, we just have to actually do it, when the time comes when we most need it. And that takes genuine courage to be able to stand up for yourself in that moment and go, Look, I know there are things that need to be done, or, or people think that should be done. But right now, I'm not okay. And right now, there are other more important things that I'm going to focus on. And I'm going to place these things for the business over here for a time being so that I can recover. In
Meghan 15:43
those moments of overwhelm, you need to give yourself permission to grieve or to take time away, it is important for the longevity of yourself and your business. Because there's
Collin Funkhouser 15:56
obligations that you think are obligations. There. They're not right, there are some things that we have to do as a business. Yeah, you will get penalized financially if you don't file taxes, and, and whatever your local legal things that you have to keep up. But the obligation that you may feel, personally, I've got to post the social media thing today, everybody will fall on that differently as far as their priorities. But understand that however you fall is what you need to do for the in that moment and to not place additional burdens on yourself, when you are focusing on taking care of yourself. Because yes, we are our biggest critics, we are also our biggest burdens of ourselves of adding more things, sometimes never thinking that we are enough or that we should be able to do more, and that it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Whatever is going on, you may feel like this shouldn't impact me. But the reality is, is that if it is, it's okay. And to say that it is impacting you, is an amazingly healthy step for you to take. And that your mental health, your emotional well being your physical well being take first and foremost priority over anything else going on, and to focus on those relationships. And the things that you need in that moment are way more important than a blog, or social media, or whatever else is going on. Ever since Kobe passed away, it has been a process of man and I releasing ourselves from the pressure of performing at 100% giving ourselves permission to do that and recognize that it's okay, that we do have obligations that we have to meet. But we are the ones who define where those fall out on our priority list. And you do as well. As you have to process things that come up in your world in your life, it could be a move, it could be the loss of someone close to you, it could be an exciting or terrifying new business adventure. Make sure that you give yourself permission to process that. And that takes time. And that takes space. And that means you're not doing the other things that you think you shouldn't be doing. And that when you give yourself that time, when you allow yourself to process that in its fullness, you can seek counsel from other people, you can go read, you can go catch somebody's ear or just take time by yourself when you have actually done that you will find that your decisions, your your mental clarity are all way above and beyond where they would have been prior to that if we would have just rushed forward because that's what I have to do. I have these expectations of oh, I just got to do this. I just have to push through. I just need to do one more thing, and I'll be fine. Sometimes the answer is no, you're not going to be fine. And we need to take that big step back and allow ourselves to just breathe for a moment.
Meghan 18:55
If you are going through something hard right now and need to talk about it need a listening ear. You can send us a voicemail at 636-364-8260 or you can email us at feedback at petsitter confessional.com. Thank you for listening to this today and we will talk with you next time. Bye
